i tried to post a picture of jon and i beside this, but technical person that i am, who knows what will result? if it does show, it's of us on a ferry crossing the bosphorus strait in turkey.
dating. Dating. DTR. courting. arranged. who-needs-dating-when-you-can-just-marry-and-figure-each-other-out-later. of these, i'd prefer the latter two. i think.
by the way, dating verses Dating came from a recent phone call to a friend of old who informed me that she and her person are not capital D dating but lower case d. when i asked her what she meant, she happily explained that he wants to GUARD HER HEART and thus regards their relationship as lower case d.
jon and i learned much - c(with a vertical line underneath which then makes the "ch" sound)ok - or a lot in turkish - about dating while dating. much of the much we learned dealt with seeing dating as it is by defrocking it of the meaning our american christian culture gives to it(, which is often not only not Biblical, but opposed to the Bible). note this post does not implicate those who don't follow the Jesus of the Bible.
since i referred to it before, one question jon and i had early-on was, should we study the Bible or other books about the Bible together? we had heard countless people talk about GUARDING THEIR HEARTS referring to not disclosing parts of their life, especially their relationships with God. they'd always use "keep your heart [or guard your heart in other translations] with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" from Proverbs chapter 4, verse 23. but the problem is that the direction of the words there is keeping one's heart "inclined" to a father's sayings or not letting one's heart stray from right to wrong, not not sharing one's heart or relationship with God with others. God, i think, gave me thoughts on this when talking with a mentor at the beginning of jon's and my relationship. in response to talk about guarding one's heart, she responded quickly that people often take that verse out of its intended context and that there are no other verses that tout that. then she asked, of all the things you'd want to do with someone you're considering marrying, wouldn't studying the Bible and learning about and from God together top the agenda?
we studied the Bible, prayed and shared together.
the purpose of dating (or for us, Dating) was confusing for us. our second outing together, we agreed that we were dating purposefully with the end intent of marrying or not and if we came to a place where the answer was "not," that we'd go different ways and not date recreationally. then, that part of purpose was clear but, for example, i would always tell myself that i should marry when with someone i better love God then when apart from him. it sounded right to me. it was, in part, informed by books and the Bible. but that was convoluted, because what is the litmus test for a person who helps you to better love God? does it take a year before the answer's apparent? does it need confirmation from 1 other person or 3? again, i sought counsel from a mentor who agreed with my nagging uncertainty about my standard: that test of better with or without is not found in the Bible. she explained to me that God can work whatever purposes through whoever, that our biggest, most consuming question in dating should be does he love Jesus and want to and work toward obeying him? not attraction. not an unclear question with unclear answers. not a question for which we don't even know the answer like whether God's wills for our lives match.
we both love Jesus and want to and work toward obeying him.
more lessons we learned later
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