Bright Star

I recently watched the movie "Bright Star" and was in love with it. It is a biography about the poet John Keats. I love this movie! It is soo sweet. I will warn you....it is kind of a slow movie, BUT sooo good! Here is the link to the trailer...check it out.

I think my new endeavor is reading poetry. I want to read it so I can start writing more poetically. We'll see how it goes...

defrocking dating in parts

i tried to post a picture of jon and i beside this, but technical person that i am, who knows what will result? if it does show, it's of us on a ferry crossing the bosphorus strait in turkey.

dating. Dating. DTR. courting. arranged. who-needs-dating-when-you-can-just-marry-and-figure-each-other-out-later. of these, i'd prefer the latter two. i think.

by the way, dating verses Dating came from a recent phone call to a friend of old who informed me that she and her person are not capital D dating but lower case d. when i asked her what she meant, she happily explained that he wants to GUARD HER HEART and thus regards their relationship as lower case d.

jon and i learned much - c(with a vertical line underneath which then makes the "ch" sound)ok - or a lot in turkish - about dating while dating. much of the much we learned dealt with seeing dating as it is by defrocking it of the meaning our american christian culture gives to it(, which is often not only not Biblical, but opposed to the Bible). note this post does not implicate those who don't follow the Jesus of the Bible.

since i referred to it before, one question jon and i had early-on was, should we study the Bible or other books about the Bible together? we had heard countless people talk about GUARDING THEIR HEARTS referring to not disclosing parts of their life, especially their relationships with God. they'd always use "keep your heart [or guard your heart in other translations] with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" from Proverbs chapter 4, verse 23. but the problem is that the direction of the words there is keeping one's heart "inclined" to a father's sayings or not letting one's heart stray from right to wrong, not not sharing one's heart or relationship with God with others. God, i think, gave me thoughts on this when talking with a mentor at the beginning of jon's and my relationship. in response to talk about guarding one's heart, she responded quickly that people often take that verse out of its intended context and that there are no other verses that tout that. then she asked, of all the things you'd want to do with someone you're considering marrying, wouldn't studying the Bible and learning about and from God together top the agenda?

we studied the Bible, prayed and shared together.

the purpose of dating (or for us, Dating) was confusing for us. our second outing together, we agreed that we were dating purposefully with the end intent of marrying or not and if we came to a place where the answer was "not," that we'd go different ways and not date recreationally. then, that part of purpose was clear but, for example, i would always tell myself that i should marry when with someone i better love God then when apart from him. it sounded right to me. it was, in part, informed by books and the Bible. but that was convoluted, because what is the litmus test for a person who helps you to better love God? does it take a year before the answer's apparent? does it need confirmation from 1 other person or 3? again, i sought counsel from a mentor who agreed with my nagging uncertainty about my standard: that test of better with or without is not found in the Bible. she explained to me that God can work whatever purposes through whoever, that our biggest, most consuming question in dating should be does he love Jesus and want to and work toward obeying him? not attraction. not an unclear question with unclear answers. not a question for which we don't even know the answer like whether God's wills for our lives match.

we both love Jesus and want to and work toward obeying him.

more lessons we learned later

linus and lucy in monetary terms

there is lots that i am and have been thinking about, but, for now, i'll note one comparatively minor part of our life: dog costs.

i thought pre-dogs that dogs were low(er) maintenance, our print/line-item budget barely regarding them. actually, they weren't a line in our budget for 4 months. because they were free to us?

no.

because for those months, we pulled money from other budget categories. why? we didn't know about their costs.

therefore, i thought i'd record their medical costs for those wondering.

key

b = boy
g = girl
m = month

b/g 1 m exams/2 vaccinations each/2 dewormings
b/g 2 m exams/2 vaccination boosters each/2 dewormings/g broken leg x-ray/ g bandage
g 2 m broken leg exam/removal of bandage/bandage cost
b/g 2.5 m exams/2 vaccination boosters each/2 dewormings/2 nail trims
b/g 6.5 m neuter/spay/2 rabies vaccinations


these costs added, our dogs, just medically, through their first 6 months, have cost $680.82. add to this food, kennel(s), accessories. boy, have we learned!

just this last week, jon and i were talking about their costs and we decided that people could get by paying less, but if owners want to take proper (in my book) care of their pets, these costs are necessary.

some thoughts on these costs

don't pay (in our case, $7.50 per dog) for nail trimmings! buy a trimmer at a store and do it yourself!

spaying a female costs more because they perform a historectomy! i did not know this before.

cost aside, we love our pups, linus and lucy, know that God entrusted them to us to steward and care for and to prepare us, in part, for children(, though they are not children!). they are worth the costs to us.

How much is too much?

How much is too much? This is a question I have been pondering about lately. Not just regarding clothes or gadgets, but material things in general.

SO I love clothes! I love to put things together and create outfits. My shopping habits have been something I have been battling ever since I can remember. At various points in my life, I have been really disciplined and others, I have not been. This past weekend, I felt like I spent a lot of money on groceries and things that I don't really need, but are helpful. Like a wine stopper! I have wasted bottles of wine because I have never had the proper wine stopper. The one I got has a air tight suction thing that supposedly keeps your wine staying fresher and for a longer period of time. Groceries though are something I need. I rarely eat out and so I don't feel as bad about spending money on groceries. I don't always know though if I am spending too much for one person. I like to eat healthy and so that is usually more expensive. Anywho, I also made a trip to Gap. I bought everything on sale and spent under 40 dollars. Which I thought was pretty good! I had the money, but does that make it ok to spend it? I know I have enough clothes...how many pairs of jeans or shirts do you really need? I am not entirely sure because I like new things and I seem to keep buying.

I try to budget, but it doesn't work for me because I do not have a steady cash flow. I basically live paycheck to paycheck. I tithe, save, pay the bills I have and give. So after that is done, is it ok to go and spend the left over money on what you want? Should it just sit in my account? I want to live simply but I LOVE NEW CLOTHES and STUFF! I don't even know what that really means...I go back and forth. I think a lot of it probably had to do with the heart attitude. What is the limit of having too much? Not sure. It is something I am praying about.

Thoughts or suggestions...?

lit life and discernment

i just read a book called Lord, Change My Attitude: Before it's Too Late by James MacDonald. our church's women's Bible study read it. By it, God lit corners of my life that were dim and taught me new ways of seeing ie lit life; by it, God also taught me discernment by MacDonald's extrapolative statements ie discernment.

the chapters partner in twos, beginning with an attitude that needs replacing then followed by an attitude with which to replace the former. one chapter, about love replacing criticism, accomplished both of the results mentioned before.

example of lit life

by this chapter, God gave me clarity about three relationships, each stained by my error and evil of failing to love God-like. my specific wrongs were jealousy and not hoping all things (because love hopes all things and covers over a multitude of sins). an example of the latter, not hoping all things, is assuming motives or attitudes behind action, assuming someone meant ill by an action without knowing. God spurred me to go to my sisters to ask for forgiveness. i'm thankful that each forgave me!

example of discernment

by this same chapter (amongst lots of other examples), God moved me to a place of wariness because the author kept seeming to state that because all nouns, verbs and all else done apart from love are worthless, we shouldn't use nouns, verbs or all else unless love partners with them.

here is a parallel example:

i know i should desire to pray when i pray, but i don't, therefore i won't pray until i desire it.

or

i know i should desire to care for my crying baby when i care, but i don't, therefore i won't care for him/her until i desire it.

this falls apart (clearly in the latter example), practically, because if we only do things when we "feel" it, a lot wouldn't get done!, and Biblically, often in doing what we're commanded, God provides feeling, plus commitment isn't just doing when feeling.

for example, the Psalmist questions himself about his downcast soul, telling himself that he will again rejoice in God. this is one exemplification of working through our lack of feeling or feeling the opposite of what we should.

my argument - i think grounded by the Bible - is that it is best to do all by love, but, if love is not there, it is still better to do, without love, than not to do, though we should ask God for love.