most encouraged jon and i to use birth control. actually, all did except for one couple that has mentored us.
most used reasonings comparable to "but you should establish your marriage first." initially, this seemed sensible. but after thinking, praying and seeking a range of council, it occurred to us - where are those reasonings grounded? the Bible? I asked a dear friend and mentor whether those words are used anywhere in the words of the Bible. she thought, then responded "no." then, the seeming source was the world. wisdom of the world that doesn't contradict the Bible could maybe ground our reasons for using birth control, but it seemed like the encouragement to use birth control was cloaked in a prepared phrase but that the actual advice they were giving was "children are a burden," "once you have them, fun and freedom ends," "if you don't wait for awhile on the front end, your marriage is not and/or cannot be established." there is a possibility that we misunderstood dozens of people, but, in the end, our consciences weren't clear following this line of wisdom.
most encouraged us to use birth control; we think God is encouraging the opposite. many more thoughts/wonderings about this ...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Lissa,
ReplyDeleteI have a few thoughts that I'll try to summarize here. The first is this: while there are no scripture passages commanding us to establish our marriage before having children, neither are there passages commanding us to have children immediately. In fact, there are no passages commanding us to have children at all! Now, to be sure, most people will quote "Be fruitful and multiply..." but recall that this is a blessing that God gives Noah in Genesis 9, not a command. As Tom already posted on FB, this link: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/birth-control is for a sermon by Pastor Mark that looks at several different ways people view this idea and what biblical basis there is for the views.
Secondly, children are only one of the many purposes for marriage. In Ephesians 5, marriage is described as a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the Church (no mention of children in this purpose for marriage). Furthermore, in his sermons and related book This Momentary Marriage, John Piper points out that 'Marriage is for making children... disciples of Christ'. This is to be an aspect of one's marriage, regardless of whether there are children in the family or not. As a married couple, we are called to be involved in the training of children, including the children in our church family.
Thirdly, I assume by your post that you would like to have children and are simply struggling with the question of "when". I believe there is wisdom in taking some time to establish a marriage before having children - for some couples. It's a decision that needs to be made between the two of you. If you think about your preparations for your wedding and marriage, most likely you went through some premarital class (engagement class), right? Discussions like the ones in that class can give wise counsel to a couple seeking marriage. Some couples even choose to seek mentors before beginning a dating relationship, to help determine whether they are ready for the responsibilities of such relationship. Is raising children any lesser of a calling on our lives, that we should go into it blindly without seeking to be prepared (at least to some extent)? We cannot anticipate all of the things that may come up when raising children, but we can learn much ahead of time from other parents. Maybe you've been around children constantly since you were young and feel very ready to take on the role of parenting yourself. But maybe you're an only child and have scarcely any experience dealing with children. In that case, it may be wise to take some time to learn about children, help in the nursery, etc. before having your own - make sure your expectations are somewhat realistic.
Finally, like all gifts from God, marriages do come under attack. At a marriage conference, it was even discussed how children can be used to try to destroy a marriage by tempting parents to orient their lives around the children rather than around Christ. I think it's at least a wise idea to evaluate your relationship with each other and with God and set up some principles about how the two of you want to work to keep Christ at the center of your marriage and then discuss how children play into that.
Again, it is different for every couple, and neither view that you mentioned is necessarily unbiblical. What is the call God has for you at this time? Is he calling you to have children now, or is he calling you to something else that may suggest that it would be unwise to bring children into your life at this time? I hope that gives you a few things to think over. Let me know if you'd like to talk about anything in person!